


Baby Got Back

by coggs



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Implied Mpreg, M/M, in the sense that it's a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:59:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1868880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coggs/pseuds/coggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jonny, Jonny Jonny," TJ is chanting when he gets back from his half hour trip to the bathroom. "Are you more likely to get knocked up when it's a stranger? Or when it's someone you know? I can never remember."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Got Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [puckling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckling/gifts).



> As close as I'll ever get to mpreg. Originally yelled at [Puckling](http://archiveofourown.org/users/puckling), edited by [Sarapod](http://archiveofourown.org/users/four_right_chords/). [Tumblr](http://thecoggs.tumblr.com/) which, I swear, has way less TJ/Jonny usually. 
> 
> Content note: it's implied that dudes can't get pregnant because they lack the parts to do so. Obviously this does not apply to all dudes.

1.

TJ stumbles into the room around 3 AM, waking Jonny up when he knocks over their floor lamp.

"Jon!" he says, drunk and happy. "Just the man I was looking for."

"You were looking for me." 

TJ nods. 

"In the room we _share_." 

TJ nods again. 

Jonny rubs his forehead. "Fine. Since _I’m already awake_ , what's up?"

"Jonny," TJ says, while faceplanting onto Jonny's bed. "Dear Jonny, how many dudes coming in you does it take to knock a dude up? I hope more than two."

Jonny blinks. "It takes zero dudes. _Zero._ Because dudes can't get pregnant."

"Awesome," TJ says into Jonny's pillow, and lifts his hand for a high five. 

Jonny gives him an unenthusiastic one and lays down next to him. "Please, Teej, just get some fucking condoms. They give them out at the health center. For free." 

TJ waves a hand in the air, turns over, and is instantly asleep.

2.

"Jonny, Jonny Jonny," TJ is chanting when he gets back from his half hour trip to the bathroom. "Are you more likely to get knocked up when it's a stranger? Or when it's someone you know? I can never remember."

"It is neither," Jonny says after taking a huge sip of beer. "Because you remain unable to get pregnant."

"Oh right," TJ says, and dramatically wipes a hand across his brow. "Phew."

"Please," Jonny says, grabbing TJ's arm to emphasize his point. "Please start using condoms. I know you have some. I literally stick them in your coat and pants pockets every week."

TJ shrugs. "Yeah, but first there was the dude last night, and then there was this nice girl who really needed one so I gave one to her, and then I got bored earlier and wanted to make a water balloon, so." He shrugs again. "Plus," he adds, "the dude out there wanted to come in my mouth, which, ick. I figured it was just easier for everyone to use my ass."

Jonny throws some money on the table. "I'm going back to our room to sterilize everything. Please shower before you go to sleep tonight."

TJ salutes Jonny’s back and finishes the rest of Jonny's beer.

3.

"When you told me not to shit where I ate," TJ says over the phone, "you meant teammates, right? _Just_ teammates?"

Jonny sighs. "Who did you do?"

"There's this really hot equipment guy Carl," TJ starts. "That can't be _that_ bad, right? He's just the equipment guy!"

Jonny purses his lips together. In the scheme of things, Carl the equipment guy isn't the worst choice TJ could make for a guy in the Blues organization. "Did you at least use a condom?"

"Yes!" TJ says. "I mean, it broke? Because his dick was like, legit huge, and the condom was not made for that? But I figure it's okay, everyone knows you can't get preggers from older guys anyways."

Jonny closes his eyes, remembers that TJ was a great friend when he was young and nervous at college, and counts backwards from ten. "As we've discussed a few times, you can't get pregnant because you lack a uterus. But good try on the condom."

"Thanks buddy!" TJ says brightly. "Anyways, your team sucks — discuss?"

4.

"If," TJ opens the Skype call with, which is never a good sign, "hypothetically, you're the bottom in a team bonding gang bang, you can't get knocked up because of all the freedom in that sperm, right?"

"Are you high?" Jonny says, leaning forward to look at TJ's eyes. "You don't look high."

"What?" TJ says. "No! Things just got, you know. Feisty. At Worlds."

"You came in third!" Jonny yells. 

TJ squints, confused. "Does that mean I'm less likely to be with child?"

"You could," Jonny says slowly, "just start having sex with condoms more. Or, you know, be less insane and remember that dudes can't become pregnant."

"That seems," TJ said just as slowly, "less fun that having an unknown number of World Champion medalists come inside of me."

Jonny moves to hang up the call before TJ can provide more details, but TJ changes the subject to fishing, so that's ok.

5.

Given the many chances they've had over the years and the fact that TJ is, in his own words "easy like Sunday morning," Jonny had figured the fact that they hadn't ever fucked meant that at some point, TJ had set a clear boundary with himself and it was never gonna happen. When he was 17 and in the throes of his embarrassing crush on TJ it had sucked, but it’s sort of touching now. It sets him apart from pretty much every other guy in TJ's life. 

Plus, there were only so many times you could hear the phrase "frat orgy" before it went from “hot fantasy” to "I cannot believe you let the guy whose t-shirt said 'THE MAN, THE LEGEND' stick it in you.”

But then TJ had shown up unexpectedly at his place, and somehow catching up over a beer or two had become —

"Fuck," TJ says once he finally gets Jonny's pants down. "Fuck, I always knew your dick would be hot." Then he's on his knees, kissing the insides of Jonny's thighs while slowly jerking him off.

Jonny throws his head back against the wall. 'Yeah," he says, trying to keep his voice steady. "You think about my dick a lot?"

TJ looks up, all flushed cheeks and wide eyes. "Of course," he says, sincerely. "All the time." And then he takes all of Jonny's dick in his mouth.

Jonny grabs TJ's shoulders. "Fuck," he breathes out.

Later, Jonny is on the bed above TJ, lining his dick up against TJ's ass. He feels like the prep was rushed, but TJ felt pretty loose and kept saying, "Seriously, dude, trust me, I can take it.” Plus Jonny feels about five seconds from shooting, and seeing TJ get more and more into it as he fingered him wasn't helping.

"Christ," Jonny says as he pushes in. TJ feels incredible. 

"Yeah," TJ says, beaming up at him. "Way less noble about the condom thing when it's your dick, huh?"

"Shit," Jonny starts, and moves to pull his dick out of TJ, but TJ grabs his wrist before he can get anywhere. "Dude,” TJ says, “I promise, I'm—" Then Jonny's hips rock forward, and TJ lets out a small "fuck" before finishing, "I'm clean, I get tested all the time, I have the papers. I would never — "

At that point Jonny just starts pounding him. He’s close enough that even TJ talking about diseases is hot right now. "Shut up," he says. "Just—" And TJ locks his legs together behind Jonny's ass and pulls him closer. "Yeah, yeah," he says. "Just, fuck, keep going."

Afterwards, TJ is lounging on the couch, shirtless, while Jonny sits in the kitchen eating his dinner and trying not to be too obvious about staring at him.

"Look at this," TJ says, rubbing his belly. "Look how fat I am. I'm totally knocked up."

Jonny rolls his eyes and grabs another forkful of rice, but TJ just grins. "You totally put, like, eight babies in me. That's how good that sex was."

Jonny finishes his bite. "You just ate five burritos, that's why you're fat. And put on a damn shirt."

TJ sighs, but goes and grabs one from Jonny's room before coming back and sitting down next to him. "Hey," he says, grabbing Jonny's hand. "So. I'm in love with you, FYI."

Jonny drops his fork, incredulous. "You _love_ me? You sent me a text last month that just said 'glory holes aint what they used to be'!"

"I was in love with you even at that glory hole," TJ says, a bit pointedly. "The glory hole is actually where I realized I love you."

Jonny rolls his eyes. 

"No, seriously," TJ says, squeezing Jonny's hand a little. "I can get dicks for free, like. Whenever. Look at me." He gestures down his body. "But it was 3 AM and I was walking home and I was like, 'I would _pay_ to see Jonny right now.' And that's when I knew."

It really shouldn't convince Jonny of anything. And yet he can't help but lean forward to touch TJ's stomach. "If I could get any dude pregnant," he says, looking TJ right in the eyes, "I'd want it to be you."

+1

"Look what I made," TJ says, pointing to the tiny pink baby girl in his arms. She can’t stop trying to punch the air. "Isn't she great?"

"Teej," Jonny says, rubbing his forehead. "Paige, our surrogate, made her. She's _right there._ " He points to Paige, who’s propped up in her hospital bed on a pile of pillows. She waves.

"Paige and _my_ sperm," TJ corrects while waving one of the baby's hands back at Paige. "Because yours were slow swimmers." He pats Jonny's balls consolingly.

Jonny reaches over to take the baby, but one of her hands comes out and wraps itself around his finger before he can grab her. "Yeah, okay," he says before leaning over to kiss TJ. "Good job making our kid."


End file.
